 Just came across this randomly searching through Google.
posted by timothy on Tuesday, September 30, 2003
Well, things weren't working for a while, and sometime last week, I moved everything over to a new domain, so there hasn't been any activity in way too long. There should be a lot of posts today and tomorrow. But first, am I the only one that thinks Jack Palance looks like Skeletor?
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posted by timothy on Monday, September 29, 2003
Another serious blow to American pride in Washington today. I can just imagine those dirty beret-wearing motherfuckers exulting in their little froggie victory right now.
posted by timothy on Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Goddamn, I loves me some spam:
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posted by timothy on Saturday, September 13, 2003
...and Steve just sent me this. At first I thought it was stupid, but I kept reading it and it suddenly became really interesting. Question marks have never been more disturbing.
posted by timothy on Friday, September 12, 2003
My Dad just sent me this email. My Dad rocks:
Alright!!! I brought you up right. Hippies suck. They are a fuckin scourge on humanity. They are dirty and anti anything good. If the antichrist ever comes it will be in the form of a hippy. These losers suck off society. They are scumbags of the worst kind. Chuck Manson was a fuckin hippy. So was Bill Clinton. May they all rot in hell.
posted by timothy on Friday, September 12, 2003
Warren Ellis, speaking of the new Star Trek show:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, finally, the conclusion of the Star Trek franchise. And thank Christ for that.
In another couple of years, STAR WARS will be all over, and the lifting of these two things from the world will be like removing a toxic waste dump from the landscape of the mind."
If you aren't subscribing to his mailing list "Bad Signal" you should be.
posted by timothy on Thursday, September 11, 2003
 Oh God, I think I've died and gone to heaven.
posted by timothy on Thursday, September 11, 2003
I just found this (very) short story I wrote while on hold with Verizon once. Sadly, it was a pertinent issue at the time and I wound up sending it out to all my co-workers:
The Naughty Little Boy
Once upon a time, in a far off land in the middle of the damn desert, there was a naughty little boy who kept sprinkling the toilet seat in the little boys room. This made all the people of the land very sad. All the little boys anyway, the little girls just rolled their eyes, not being able to comprehend leaving such a mess behind. The naughty little boy didn't care however, and kept leaving nasty evidence that he'd relieved his bladder every time he went into the little boys room. Nobody knew that the naughty little boy was responsible for these toilet-related atrocities, which is why he kept getting away with it. It got so bad that some little boys started going into the little girls room, which opened them up to attack from the little girls, but at least they no longer had to deal with damp seating in the little boys room. One day, a giant was passing through the land, when he felt pressure on his bladder. Seeing the little boys room near by, he went in and was horrified to see the mess that was waiting for him. He cleaned the little boys room and then made use of the facilities, and then cleaned it again, as any decent person would do. The giant asked the little boys and girls how the little boys room could have become so nasty. All the little boys and girls told the giant that some very naughty little boy with an obvious low upbringing and no regard for anyone but himself, kept making a mess of the little boys room and that there was nothing they could do since they didn't have the slightest idea who it was. The giant decided to help the little boys and girls of this godforsaken desert, and told them all that this awful problem would soon be solved.
The giant walked to the other side of a nearby building and poked his head up over the roof and didn't move. He watched the little boys room for a very long time, and just as he was ready to give up, the naughty little boy walked into the little boys room. The giant watched intently, and a minute or two later, the naughty little boy walked out of the little boys room with a smug expression on his face. The giant knew a guilty looking face when he saw one, and he leapt over the building, landing right in front of the naughty little boy who was now so scared that he would have soiled himself, had he not just made a mess in the little boys room. The giant grabbed the naughty little boy by the arm and opened the door to the little boys room. Seeing the mess, he turned his one-eyed gaze back to the naughty little boy.
"So you're the nasty little bugger that keeps makin' a mess of such a fine little boys room!" he said, lifting the naughty little boy up in front of his face. The giant rose to his full, twelve-foot stature. "You're a very naughty little boy indeed! What kind of self-centered freak doesn't clean the toilet after he's done with it! And you have the audacity to call yourself a human!" And with that, the giant climbed to the top of the tallest building in the desert and threw the naughty little boy off the roof.
The little boys and girls rejoiced, and there was much celebration and laughter. The giant was proclaimed the greatest hero the desert had ever seen, and there was a parade with fire-breathing gypsies and elephants and clowns. Afterwards, everyone had cake and punch.
Years later, the little boys room was clean and shiny, and the little boys and girls could not remember a time when it was ever messy. The naughty little boy had completely faded from memory, and not a single person mourned his death.
posted by timothy on Wednesday, September 03, 2003
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