 Charity took this picture on her way home from work. This is the very start of the Gran Prix Fire that's been going on all week here in the Inland Empire. I left the house at 9am this morning and the sky was completely fucking black and my truck was covered in ash. Parts of Claremont and LaVerne are without power and there are mandatory evacuations just two blocks north of Chaffey College. Some of my co-workers were forced to leave one of our broadcast towers by fire marshals and I have friends that might not be able to return to their homes tonight. I'm trying to get a hold of Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay but they're not taking my calls. Bastards.
posted by timothy on Friday, October 24, 2003
This is, in fact, the best goddamn news story I've ever read. I sure hope it's true: Tough Icelandic 'Iceman' grabs shark to save men
10/23/2003
STOCKHOLM, Sweden (Reuters) - An Icelandic fishing captain, known as "the Iceman" for his tough character, grabbed a 660-lb shark with his bare hands as it swam in shallow water toward his crew, a witness said Thursday.
The skipper of the trawler "Erik the Red" was on a beach in Kuummiit, east Greenland, watching his crew processing a catch when he saw the shark swimming toward the fish blood and guts -- and his men.
Captain Sigurdur Petursson, known to locals as "the Iceman," ran into the shallow water and grabbed the shark by its tail. He dragged it off to dry land and killed it with his knife.
"He caught it just with his hands. There was a lot of blood in the sea and the shark came in and he thought it was dangerous," Frede Kilime, a hunter and fisherman who watched from the beach, told Reuters by phone from Greenland.
Icelandic author and journalist Reynir Traustason, who knows the trawler captain, said the act was typical of the man.
"He's called 'the Iceman' because he isn't scared of anything," he said. "I know the people in that part of the world. They are really tough."
posted by timothy on Friday, October 24, 2003
This is interesting for those of you who follow the debate on digital piracy. Personally, I don't like piracy but on the other hand, hell will freeze over before I drop ten fucking dollars on the new Resident Evil movie. Someone wants to put it on their FTP site though, yeah, I'll waste ninety minutes watching it. Oh and fuck hollywood, they don't get to whine about how much money they're losing until they start turning in an acurate set of books every year. Anyway, read that article and then read this one.
posted by timothy on Friday, October 24, 2003
Main Entry: cyst
Pronunciation: 'sist
Function: noun
Etymology: New Latin cystis, from Greek kystis bladder, pouch; akin to Sanskrit svasiti he blows, snorts -- more at WHEEZE
Date: circa 1720
1 : a closed sac having a distinct membrane and developing abnormally in a cavity or structure of the body
I have a cyst on my chest. It is angry and red and it hurts like mad. Fuck you.
posted by timothy on Thursday, October 23, 2003
 If I weren't online, I'd be surprised...
posted by timothy on Friday, October 17, 2003
Pointless aside:
Belieus Stroodlehopher = The best name I've seen in months, not quite knocking Zoltan Matefly out of the first place slot. I swear to god, I'm not making these names up.
posted by timothy on Friday, October 17, 2003
And moving right along, the already illustrious legacy of our President. This is incredibly biased but hey, it made me laugh.
GEORGE W. BUSH ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT: *I attacked and took over two countries.
*I spent the U.S. surplus and bankrupted the US Treasury.
*I shattered the record for the biggest annual deficit in history (not easy!).
*I set an economic record for the most personal bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.
*I set all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
*I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
*In my first year in office I set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history (tough to beat my dad's, but I did).
*After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history (9/11).
*I set the record for most campaign fund raising trips by any president in US history.
*In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.
*I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any other president in US history.
*I set the all-time record for most real estate foreclosures in a 12-month period.
*I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.
*I set the record for the fewest press conferences of any president, since the advent of TV.
*I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any other US president in history.
*I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
*I cut health care benefits for war veterans.
*I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
*I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
*I've made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.
*Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history.
(The poorest multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her).
*I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously struggle against bankruptcy.
*I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any market in any country in the history of the world.
*I am the first president in US history to order a US attack AND military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the vast majority of the international community.
*I have created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States, called the "Bureau of Homeland Security" (only one letter away from BS).
*I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any other president in US history (Ronnie was tough to beat, but I did it!!).
*I am the first president in US history to compel the United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.
*I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board.
*I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.
*I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
*I withdrew from the World Court of Law.
*I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
*I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors access during the 2002 US elections.
*I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
*The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
*I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.
*I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied, saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
*I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government.
*I took the world's sympathy for the US after 9/11, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
*I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
*I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
*I set the all-time record for the number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling their huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
*I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.
*I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down. RECORDS AND REFERENCES: *I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).
*I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the military during time of war.
*I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
*All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
*All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
*All minutes of meetings of any public corporation for which I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
*Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. PERSONAL REFERENCES: For personal references, please speak to my dad or James Baker (They can be reached in their offices at the Carlyle Group where they are helping to divide up the spoils of the US-Iraq war and plan for the next one). Note: This information should be useful to voters in the 2004 election. Circulate to as many citizens as possible.
George W. Bush
The White House, USA
posted by timothy on Friday, October 17, 2003
I've decided that today's theme is "Fuck GWB." Let's start with this.
posted by timothy on Friday, October 17, 2003
So I got one of those "cute" emails yesterday. The kind that starts off with "Welcome to the next edition of getting to know your friends. What you're supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you'll send. Change all of the answers so they apply to you. Then, send this to a whole bunch of people you know *INCLUDING* the person who sent it to you. The idea is that you'll learn a lot of little facts about your friends..." Like I give a shit what time people went to bed last night. Anyway, I stepped out of character and replied: Oooookay. You asked... 1. WHAT TIME DID YOU GO TO BED LAST NIGHT?
Go to bed or go to sleep? Who gives a shit?
2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I'd lose my hatred for loadies and get permanently fucked up on acid so the fucking news wouldn't piss me off as much.
3. PAPER OR PLASTIC?
This is just fucking stupid. Am I at a grocery store or a fucking restaurant? I refuse to answer.
4. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK/MAGAZINE YOU READ?
Gay But Not Happy.
5. WHAT TV SHOW YOU CAN'T STAND TO WATCH?
Open the TV Guide and point randomly to any page.
6. WHAT DID YOU EAT FOR LUNCH TODAY?
It's 10am fuckwit.
7. DO YOU LIKE TO BE SURPRISED?
Only if it involves sexual intercourse with dwarves.
8. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR TOOTHBRUSH?
Yellow, like my teeth.
9. WHAT BRAND OF DEODORANT DO YOU WEAR?
Patchouli.
10. YOUR FAVORITE STORE TO SHOP AT?
Kohls, unless Nordys is having a sale. Christ...
11. WINTER, SPRING, SUMMER OR FALL?
Goddammit.
12. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Head.
13. WHICH ONE WOULD YOU PREFER - MAID OR PERSONAL CHEF?
If I have money for one, I have money for both.
14. FAVORITE CANDY?
Head.
15. REGULAR OR DECAF?
Newcastle.
16. FAVORITE RESTAURANT?
I honestly don't have one.
17. WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU ADMIRE?
Restraint and hesitation. Both prevent emails like this.
18. FAVORITE HOLIDAY?
Shut Up And Lick My Balls Day.
19. FAVORITE TIME OF DAY?
4am. Less assholes about.
20. FRUIT OR FRUIT SMOOTHIE?
I like girls.
21. HOW MANY RINGS ARE YOU WEARING?
Three. One on my sphincter and two on my nutsack.
22. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR MEAT PREPARED?
With lotion and a gentle, loving touch.
23. WHAT WAS THE LAST CARD YOU SENT SOMEONE?
This one.
24. WHAT RADIO STATION IS ON WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW?
Fuck radio.
25. WHO DO YOU LEAST EXPECT TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
Elvis.
26. WHO IS THE PERSON YOU EXPECT TO SEND THIS BACK FIRST?
Why 32 questions? The fuckin jackoff that wrote this didn't have the gumption to think of 18 more pointless questions? God.
27. ONION RINGS OR FRENCH FRIES?
Head.
28. DO YOU LIKE TO PLAY CARDS OR BOARD GAMES?
I like girls.
29. NAILS POLISHED OR UNPOLISHED?
I like girls.
30. DO YOU LIKE NUTS ON YOUR SUNDAES?
Too easy...
31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SODA?
Diet Coke.
32. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH ON TV?
Slap The Retard.
posted by timothy on Friday, October 17, 2003
There are only about half a dozen regular readers of this site that will give a shit about this. The rest of you can just laugh at the bad english.
Up until yesterday I was the help desk manager for a local ISP. I won't insult you by pretending it's something I was passionate about, but I liked the work (on the good days) and it was something I was good at. In the last year, a lot of companies (such as Earthlink or Dell) have decided to outsource their technical support to India. The jury is still out on whether or not this is a bad idea. Twice, I've called Dell tech support and I have to say that the language barrier wasn't that big a problem, and the two people I've talked to were both fairly competent and very friendly. That's over the phone, however. I just received this email from one of them: hell;o
sir
iwill send u the correct links and instn what u have to select
within few min
wait for my mail
in the mean while...check for the list which u have....so that u can find them and install.
bye.
At first I was a little bit pissed that it's apparently too much to expect to receive a coherent email from Dell tech support. But then, I remembered the all american boy that used to work here who once spelled "malicious" as "meshleshous." Of course, he was fired, while this person won't even be educated in an effort to improve her written communication skills. But then it isn't her first language and she speaks english just fine, whereas I can't even swear properly in a second language. Whatever, I think I'm annoyed with Dell. Just an observation.
posted by timothy on Tuesday, October 14, 2003
 This, also, is old but it still makes me laugh.
posted by timothy on Tuesday, October 14, 2003
David sent an email to me and some friends today that contained a link to A Modest Proposal, by Jonathan Swift. I hadn't read this since college and had forgotten how gloriously disturbing and angry this is. So I swiped it and put it here. Read this if you're not already familiar with it: A Modest Proposal
For Preventing The Children Of Poor People In Ireland From Being A Burden To Their Parents Or Country, And For Making Them Beneficial To The Public
By Jonathan Swift, 1729
It is a melancholy object to those who walk through this great town or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabin doors, crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags and importuning every passenger for an alms. These mothers, instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in strolling to beg sustenance for their helpless infants: who as they grow up either turn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear native country to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes.
I think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious number of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of the kingdom a very great additional grievance; and, therefore, whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and easy method of making these children sound, useful members of the commonwealth, would deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.
But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for the children of professed beggars; it is of a much greater extent, and shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age who are born of parents in effect as little able to support them as those who demand our charity in the streets.
As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of other projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in the computation. It is true, a child just dropped from its dam may be supported by her milk for a solar year, with little other nourishment; at most not above the value of 2s., which the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for them in such a manner as instead of being a charge upon their parents or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall on the contrary contribute to the feeding, and partly to the clothing, of many thousands.
There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of women murdering their bastard children, alas! too frequent among us! sacrificing the poor innocent babes I doubt more to avoid the expense than the shame, which would move tears and pity in the most savage and inhuman breast.
The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one million and a half, of these I calculate there may be about two hundred thousand couple whose wives are breeders; from which number I subtract thirty thousand couples who are able to maintain their own children, although I apprehend there cannot be so many, under the present distresses of the kingdom; but this being granted, there will remain an hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand for those women who miscarry, or whose children die by accident or disease within the year. There only remains one hundred and twenty thousand children of poor parents annually born. The question therefore is, how this number shall be reared and provided for, which, as I have already said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed. For we can neither employ them in handicraft or agriculture; we neither build houses (I mean in the country) nor cultivate land: they can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing, till they arrive at six years old, except where they are of towardly parts, although I confess they learn the rudiments much earlier, during which time, they can however be properly looked upon only as probationers, as I have been informed by a principal gentleman in the county of Cavan, who protested to me that he never knew above one or two instances under the age of six, even in a part of the kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency in that art.
I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl before twelve years old is no salable commodity; and even when they come to this age they will not yield above three pounds, or three pounds and half-a-crown at most on the exchange; which cannot turn to account either to the parents or kingdom, the charge of nutriment and rags having been at least four times that value.
I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.
I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.
I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that of the hundred and twenty thousand children already computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one-fourth part to be males; which is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle or swine; and my reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore one male will be sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundred thousand may, at a year old, be offered in the sale to the persons of quality and fortune through the kingdom; always advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends; and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter.
I have reckoned upon a medium that a child just born will weigh 12 pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, increaseth to 28 pounds.
I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem to have the best title to the children.
Infant's flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more plentiful in March, and a little before and after; for we are told by a grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish being a prolific diet, there are more children born in Roman Catholic countries about nine months after Lent than at any other season; therefore, reckoning a year after Lent, the markets will be more glutted than usual, because the number of popish infants is at least three to one in this kingdom: and therefore it will have one other collateral advantage, by lessening the number of papists among us.
I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child (in which list I reckon all cottagers, laborers, and four-fifths of the farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags included; and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will make four dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend or his own family to dine with him. Thus the squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among his tenants; the mother will have eight shillings net profit, and be fit for work till she produces another child.
Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may flay the carcass; the skin of which artificially dressed will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.
As to our city of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this purpose in the most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured will not be wanting; although I rather recommend buying the children alive, and dressing them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs.
A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose virtues I highly esteem, was lately pleased in discoursing on this matter to offer a refinement upon my scheme. He said that many gentlemen of this kingdom, having of late destroyed their deer, he conceived that the want of venison might be well supplied by the bodies of young lads and maidens, not exceeding fourteen years of age nor under twelve; so great a number of both sexes in every country being now ready to starve for want of work and service; and these to be disposed of by their parents, if alive, or otherwise by their nearest relations. But with due deference to so excellent a friend and so deserving a patriot, I cannot be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males, my American acquaintance assured me, from frequent experience, that their flesh was generally tough and lean, like that of our schoolboys by continual exercise, and their taste disagreeable; and to fatten them would not answer the charge. Then as to the females, it would, I think, with humble submission be a loss to the public, because they soon would become breeders themselves; and besides, it is not improbable that some scrupulous people might be apt to censure such a practice (although indeed very unjustly), as a little bordering upon cruelty; which, I confess, hath always been with me the strongest objection against any project, however so well intended.
But in order to justify my friend, he confessed that this expedient was put into his head by the famous Psalmanazar, a native of the island Formosa, who came from thence to London above twenty years ago, and in conversation told my friend, that in his country when any young person happened to be put to death, the executioner sold the carcass to persons of quality as a prime dainty; and that in his time the body of a plump girl of fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to poison the emperor, was sold to his imperial majesty's prime minister of state, and other great mandarins of the court, in joints from the gibbet, at four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same use were made of several plump young girls in this town, who without one single groat to their fortunes cannot stir abroad without a chair, and appear at playhouse and assemblies in foreign fineries which they never will pay for, the kingdom would not be the worse.
Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed, and I have been desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken to ease the nation of so grievous an encumbrance. But I am not in the least pain upon that matter, because it is very well known that they are every day dying and rotting by cold and famine, and filth and vermin, as fast as can be reasonably expected. And as to the young laborers, they are now in as hopeful a condition; they cannot get work, and consequently pine away for want of nourishment, to a degree that if at any time they are accidentally hired to common labor, they have not strength to perform it; and thus the country and themselves are happily delivered from the evils to come.
I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my subject. I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.
For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the number of papists, with whom we are yearly overrun, being the principal breeders of the nation as well as our most dangerous enemies; and who stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their advantage by the absence of so many good protestants, who have chosen rather to leave their country than stay at home and pay tithes against their conscience to an episcopal curate.
Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something valuable of their own, which by law may be made liable to distress and help to pay their landlord's rent, their corn and cattle being already seized, and money a thing unknown.
Thirdly, Whereas the maintenance of an hundred thousand children, from two years old and upward, cannot be computed at less than ten shillings a-piece per annum, the nation's stock will be thereby increased fifty thousand pounds per annum, beside the profit of a new dish introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom who have any refinement in taste. And the money will circulate among ourselves, the goods being entirely of our own growth and manufacture.
Fourthly, The constant breeders, beside the gain of eight shillings sterling per annum by the sale of their children, will be rid of the charge of maintaining them after the first year.
Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns; where the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the best receipts for dressing it to perfection, and consequently have their houses frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselves upon their knowledge in good eating: and a skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his guests, will contrive to make it as expensive as they please.
Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards or enforced by laws and penalties. It would increase the care and tenderness of mothers toward their children, when they were sure of a settlement for life to the poor babes, provided in some sort by the public, to their annual profit instead of expense. We should see an honest emulation among the married women, which of them could bring the fattest child to the market. Men would become as fond of their wives during the time of their pregnancy as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in calf, their sows when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or kick them (as is too frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.
Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the addition of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of barreled beef, the propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in the art of making good bacon, so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs, too frequent at our tables; which are no way comparable in taste or magnificence to a well-grown, fat, yearling child, which roasted whole will make a considerable figure at a lord mayor's feast or any other public entertainment. But this and many others I omit, being studious of brevity.
After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion as to reject any offer proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before something of that kind shall be advanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I desire the author or authors will be pleased maturely to consider two points. First, as things now stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment for an hundred thousand useless mouths and backs. And secondly, there being a round million of creatures in human figure throughout this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common stock would leave them in debt two millions of pounds sterling, adding those who are beggars by profession to the bulk of farmers, cottagers, and laborers, with their wives and children who are beggars in effect: I desire those politicians who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be so bold as to attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of these mortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great happiness to have been sold for food, at a year old in the manner I prescribe, and thereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes as they have since gone through by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility of paying rent without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor clothes to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most inevitable prospect of entailing the like or greater miseries upon their breed for ever.
I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive than the public good of my country, by advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no children by which I can propose to get a single penny; the youngest being nine years old, and my wife past child-bearing.
posted by timothy on Monday, October 13, 2003
 The Perverted Subtleties of Disney. Check out the rest of the site while you're there.
posted by timothy on Friday, October 10, 2003
And, continuing with the insane religious fuckhead theme, you must read this explanation of dinosaurs. Here's an excerpt: Other scientists, called creation scientists, have a different idea about when dinosaurs lived. They believe they can solve any of the supposed dinosaur mysteries and show how the evidence fits wonderfully with their ideas about the past, beliefs that come from the Bible.
The Bible, God's very special book (or collection of books, really), claims that each writer was supernaturally inspired to write exactly what the Creator of all things wanted him to write down for us so that we can know where we (and dinosaurs) came from, why we are here, and what our future will be. The first book in the Bible—Genesis—teaches us many things about how the universe and life came into existence. Genesis tells us that God created everything—the Earth, stars, sun, moon, plants, animals, and the first two people.
Although the Bible does not tell us exactly how long ago it was that God made the world and its creatures, we can make a good estimate of the date of creation by reading through the Bible and noting some interesting passages:
1. God made everything in six days. He did this, by the way, to set a pattern for mankind, which has become our seven day week (as described in Exodus 20:11). God worked for six days and rested for one, as a model for us. Furthermore, Bible scholars will tell you that the Hebrew word for day used in Genesis 1, can only mean an ordinary day in this context.
2. We are told God created the first man and woman—Adam and Eve—on Day Six. Many facts about when their children and their children's children were born are given in Genesis. These genealogies are recorded throughout the Old Testament, up until the time of Christ. They certainly were not chronologies lasting millions of years.
As you add up all of the dates, and accepting that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came to Earth almost 2000 years ago, we come to the conclusion that the creation of the Earth and animals (including the dinosaurs) occurred only thousands of years ago (perhaps only 6000!), not millions of years. Thus, if the Bible is right (and it is!), dinosaurs must have lived within the past thousands of years.
When you're done, read the rest of the site. And God bless Dave for pointing this out to me.
posted by timothy on Wednesday, October 08, 2003
Well, it looks like Conan will be our new Governor. That's annoying, but at least he can't be president. I can't honestly claim to be proud of my vote, so I certainly can't hold a grudge towards those who put him in office. But I can point the fingers of derision and scorn to the (I'm not making this up) 12,000+ assholes who voted for Gary Coleman. What the fuck? How fucking retarded do you have to be before you make this choice? Or was it a big fucking joke to these people? Either way...goddammit. Just once I'd like there to be an election where I didn't feel shame or anger afterwards. That hasn't happened since...
posted by timothy on Wednesday, October 08, 2003
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