Read this, it's fucked up. This doesn't seem to display correctly in Mozilla (God's browser), so if you're not using Internet Explorer, open it and paste this into the address bar:

http://images.democracynow.org/images/story_images/miamimodel.shtml

When you're done, remember that Florida is fucked, and be thankful that you don't live there. Or, if you do live there, be thankful that you're smart enough to know you need to move now.
posted by timothy on Wednesday, November 26, 2003

This guy must lead a miraculously boring life. No food, no water, and, presumably, no pussy.
posted by timothy on Tuesday, November 25, 2003

My Vehicle License Fees have been terminated. I didn't vote for him, and if I had to do it all over again, I still don't think I'd vote for him, but GO ARNOLD!!! And as long as I'm praising Arnold, let me just say Fuck Gray Davis, that smug little prick. Fuck him in the earhole.
posted by timothy on Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Jesustapdancingchrist this is awful. Really really awful. Howard sent it to me, the bastard. Listen to the whole thing.
posted by timothy on Monday, November 24, 2003

Phillip sent this to me. It's insanely long and will eat up too much of your day, but it's fucking hysterical. Read it if you have the time.
posted by timothy on Monday, November 24, 2003

Oh God, kill me now, I'm a fucking vampire...


You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying.

"And The Vampire was all that remained on
the blood drowned creation. She attempted to
regrow life from the dead. But as she was
about to give the breath of life, she was
consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the
cycle began again."

Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek)
and Isis (Egyptian).
The Vampire is associated with the concept of
death, the number 9, and the element of fire.
Her sign is the eclipsed moon.

As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic
individual. You may be a little idealistic,
but you are very grounded and down to earth.
You realize that not everything lasts, but you
savor every minute of the good times. While
you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you
have strong ties with people that will never be
broken. Vampires are the best friends to have
because they are sensible.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

posted by timothy on Saturday, November 22, 2003

When corporate products and slogans collide...
posted by timothy on Thursday, November 20, 2003

I believe Tom sent this to me. Too good not to share.
posted by timothy on Thursday, November 20, 2003

Major ICK in the field of medicine last week.
posted by timothy on Thursday, November 20, 2003

This guy is a total fucking hero and he won't get enough credit for it.
posted by timothy on Thursday, November 20, 2003

I think that Ass Head Steve sent this to me saying "hang her." Not a bad argument, really.
posted by timothy on Thursday, November 20, 2003

The more time I spend online, the more my taste tends to regress back into childhood. And I find myself practically pissing over this.
posted by timothy on Thursday, November 20, 2003

Personally, I'm not reading anything more than coincidence into this, but it's fucking hysterical.
posted by timothy on Thursday, November 20, 2003

Inspector Popov And The Case Of The Killer Vodka. Coming soon to the childrens section at your local Borders.
posted by timothy on Thursday, November 20, 2003

This is fantastic. It's interesting how we tend to forget to lump Michael Jackson in with O.J. Simpson. That's a mistake we need to correct.
posted by timothy on Thursday, November 20, 2003

Speaking of rednecks, I really want this picture to be real.
posted by timothy on Wednesday, November 12, 2003

This makes me way happier than it should.
posted by timothy on Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Howard sent this to me and I really liked it:

"There's a kind of poverty in our culture. We're
very rich in things and we're very poor in
conditions that enable people to inquire and
search for ultimate meaning. It's what I've
called a kind of metaphysical repression-
repression of this part of the mind, this part of
the heart, part of the human psyche which is an
essential part of our nature, more essential to
us than our biological elements. And among
the great foods for that part of ourselves are
great philosophical, spiritual ideas, not just
clever concepts, not just explanatory hypotheses,
but ideas which resonate with something far
greater than us, which invite us not just to
figure things out, but which touch a part of us
which makes us quiet inside, begin to feel the
sense of the sacred and wish to understand it
and reflect and think in that way, think from
the heart and the mind together. Those ideas
have been part of great cultures and great
civilizations. And they were, at one time, part
of America too, I think. But they've gone out
of fashion. When many people, many, many
people do not feel invited or called to great
ideas that speak to them, they have to turn
somewhere for life, for vitality. They wind up
turning to material things and objects and
pleasures and pain, and pleasure of the ego
and the psyche, and psychological materialism,
if you like. I feel that America needs to bring
those ideas back into the culture."

-Jacob Needleman,
from his book The Soul of America
posted by timothy on Monday, November 10, 2003

Church Sign Generator.
posted by timothy on Saturday, November 08, 2003

Big fucking surprise, the Jessica Lynch story was "manipulated" by the military.
posted by timothy on Saturday, November 08, 2003

posted by timothy on Thursday, November 06, 2003

It's the Donald Rumsfeld Talking Action Figure. I'm buying one.
posted by timothy on Thursday, November 06, 2003

This should be NBC's newest reality show. Sadly, it's just satire.
posted by timothy on Thursday, November 06, 2003

If you haven't yet visited Landover Baptist Church, the time is now. A quote from this article:

"...The very night Pope John Paul II croaks, we want to make sure that we have Baptists stationed at all the gay discos ready to give a Kleenex, a Bible tract and the way back to a religion that God actually likes."
posted by timothy on Thursday, November 06, 2003

Look, it's the Bow-Lingual Dog Translator, an Oprah-recommended product! I wonder how many fucktards have already dropped a hundred bucks on this because of that one endorsement.
posted by timothy on Thursday, November 06, 2003

My first contribution in a series of unsolicited ad campaigns.
posted by timothy on Sunday, November 02, 2003

Another pointless flash cartoon, but it makes me laugh.
posted by timothy on Sunday, November 02, 2003

This is just Goddamn funny.
posted by timothy on Sunday, November 02, 2003

Frank's Childish Adventure.
posted by timothy on Sunday, November 02, 2003

Yaaaaaaaaaay!
posted by timothy on Sunday, November 02, 2003

This is absolutely beautiful. Mean spirited reality tv gets even meaner.
posted by timothy on Sunday, November 02, 2003

I'll take "Disturbing Little Freak" for a thousand, Alex...
posted by timothy on Sunday, November 02, 2003

It's been a busy fucking week and I don't even remember how this got in my bookmarks but Jesus, this is gay.
posted by timothy on Sunday, November 02, 2003

Afghan chicks are hot!
posted by timothy on Sunday, November 02, 2003

At first glance this is a really stupid game. But after playing it for a couple minutes I actually found it to be an adictive stupid game. And sort of gruesome.
posted by timothy on Sunday, November 02, 2003

And, I believe Tom sent this. Remember the Choose Your Own Adventure books? This is just wonderful.
posted by timothy on Sunday, November 02, 2003

Couple days behind on the updating here, so...Howard sent me this, it's simultaneously cute, funny, and retarded.
posted by timothy on Sunday, November 02, 2003