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Frequently, much of what is posted to the blog is found from sites like warrenellis.com, fark.com, and various news sites such as google news and slashdot.  But nine times out of ten, the best stuff (Best={funniest, nastiest, sickest, most depraved}) comes from a group of people I've just now decided to call The Circle Of Evil.  These people are an exceptional brand of Wrong and are some of the best friends I have in this world.
ELSEWHERE
   365 tomorrows

   Brian Wood
   Fuck The South
   Infinite Matrix
   John Fuckin' Harrelson
   Landover Baptist Church
   Maddox
   MungBeing
   On We
   Patton Oswalt
   Retro Crush
   The Fossil Record
   The Sneeze
   Warren Ellis
   Zailo!

[WEB] COMICS
   A Softer World

   Artbomb.net
   E-Merl.com
   Finder
   Overcompensating
   Nine Planets

ROB
Climate/Terrain: Any remote
Frequency: Unique
Organization: Circle Of Evil
Activity Cycle: Any
Diet: Omnivore
Intelligence: Exceptional (15-16)
Treasure: I, S, T
Alignment: Lawful Evil
No. Appearing: 1
Armor Class: 0/2/7
Movement: FL 3 (B)
Hit Dice: 45-75 hp
THAC0: 11
No. of Attacks: 1
Damage/Attack: 2-8
Special Attacks: Magic
Special Defenses: Anti-Magic
Magic Resistance: Nil
Size: M (4'-6' in diameter)
Morale: Fanatic (18)
XP Value: 14,000

Rob is the stuff of nightmares. This creature, also called the eye tyrant, appears as a large orb dominated by a central eye and a large toothy maw (that never seems to stop with the stand up comedy), has several smaller eyes on stalks sprouting from the top of the orb. Among adventurers, Rob is known as a deadly adversary. Rob's globular body is supported by levitation, allowing him to float slowly about as he wills. Rob is usually a solitary creature but there are reports of him visiting large communities of his freaky brethren deep beneath the earth and in the void between the stars. Rob speaks his own language, understood by all his kin. In addition, he often speaks the tongue of Henny Youngman and other evil creatures.

Combat: Rob has different Armor Classes for different parts of his body. Each of Rob's eyes, including the central one has a different function. The smaller eyes are as follows:

1. Charm person (as spell)
2. Annoy person (as spell)
3. Sleep (as spell, but only one target)
4. Telekinesis (250 pound weight)
5. Flesh to stone (as spell, 30-yard range)
6. Disintegrate (20-yard range)
7. Fear (as wand)
8. Slow (as spell, but only a single target)
9. Cause serious aggravation (50-yard range)
10. Death ray (as a death spell, with a single target, 40-yard range)

The central eye produces an anti-magic ray with a 140-yard range, which covers a 90 degree arc before the creature. No magic (including the effects of the other eyes) will function within that area. Spells cast in or passing through that zone cease to function. Destroyed eyestalks (but not the central eye) can regenerate at a rate of one lost member per week.

Habitat/Society: Rob is aggressive and avaricious, exploiting other races by casting them in low budget kung-fu skin flicks. This is because of a xenophobic intolerance that causes him to hate all creatures not like himself. He makes quite a bundle in straight to video sales.

Ecology: Rob's core racial hatred may derive from the nature of his method of reproduction, which seems to produce identical (or nearly so) individuals with only slight margin for variation. He may use parthenogenic reproduction to duplicate himself, and give birth live (no eggs have been found). His smaller eyes may be used to produce a potion of levitation, and as such can be sold for 50 gp each.

Copyright © 2006 TimothyX - Not counting the content stolen from other sites.
Proud member of the Liberal Conspiracy To Ruin America since March 19, 2003.