Land Of The Free
This is a very rough draft of something I wrote up for the newest issue of MungBeing. Unfortunately, I've been absolute shit at properly organizing my time latley and wound up not being able to refine this in time for publication. But, rather than just let it disappear, I thought I'd put it up here in all it's first draft glory, with only a few changes.
I'm an American and I love my country. I love the freedoms I'm allowed as an American. I love that, as an American, I can make a phone call to anyone in the world, secure in the knowledge that who I'm calling isn't being kept track of in some nefarious database. That's because I was lucky enough to be born in a country that believes in and cherishes basic freedoms like the right to privacy.
I love that I can check books out of libraries and read whatever I want. I love that we aren't backwards ass rednecks who believe in insane things like banning or burning books. That's because we're progressive enough to know that books are just things and, as such, incapable of being "dangerous" or "evil." That's just crazy talk.
I love that even the most mundane basic rights - like the right to be married to whoever we want - are guaranteed for every citizen, regardless of race, sex, creed, sexual preference, or whatever else. That's because we all know it's silly to care who anyone else is married to.
I love that we can vote for whoever we want, confidant that our vote counts and that our individual and collective voices are heard by the people we let govern us. That's because Americans believe in democracy and that the will of the people shouldn't be filtered or interfered with by anything such as election fraud or archaic and retarded institutions.
I love that we have so much freedom to go around that we randomly give away our "freedom surplus" to other countries that don't have as much, like Iraq. That's because we care about the Iraqi people just as we care about all citizens of the world, and will fight to the death for their right to receive the freedom we're giving them, even though they don't understand what we're doing and get confused and think we're killing innocent civilians by the tens of thousands. They'll figure it out soon enough though.
I love that we're free to make major mistakes without fear of consequence. For instance, let's just say that I accidentally shot someone in the face while hunting defenseless, near-crippled animals. I'm confident that everyone would understand it was just a silly mistake and that there'd be no reason for a trial. That's because our system of justice is fair and unbiased and, as a member of the working poor, I'm guaranteed the same treatment that someone rich and powerful like, oh...a member of congress or even the vice president would get if he were to find himself in the same situation.
I love that I'm free to evacuate my home as soon as possible regardless of whether or not I have transportation or somewhere I can go. That's because we value individual freedom in this country. This isn't Russia, we don't force people out of their homes, nor do we tell them where they're going or how they're getting there, that's entirely up to them. When Katrina hit New Orleans last year, our government didn't start jumping in people's faces, telling them they, "had to leave," because if they didn't they would, "surely die." They were already going to lose their homes and everything they owned, were we supposed to rob them of their dignity too? Maybe we were supposed to pile them all into school busses, like children, and drive them somewhere safe without giving a rat's ass where they wanted to go? No. Fuck that. We left those people alone to make their own decisions like adults. They were free to go anywhere they wanted. Except Gretna.
I love that we have a free press in this country and that if I want to know what my government is doing I don't have to go to such improbable lengths as reading foreign newspapers. Nope, all I have to do is turn on the television or open any newspaper and I am instantly given access to the important stories of the day and hard, cold information without any unnecessary editorializing. That's because...uhm...goddammit.
I love that we have freedom of speech in this country. Because that guarantees that I can walk out onto a street corner anywhere in the nation and, without fear of reprisal, say something like, "Cheney's a stinker," or "Say, it appears as though Rumsfeld is easily as much of a religious zealot as Bin Laden is," or even, "George W. Bush is without question, the worst president this nation has ever known. That he has served five and a half years without the people of this country organizing and staging a revolution is a constant source of both amazement and shame. He is a dirtbag and a lying sack of shit and if there is any justice on this earth, a plague of spirochetes, the size of Texas, will fly up his urethra and breed. A greasy, black discharge will geyser out of his nipples and every day, for the rest of his existence, one in two people will fail to resist the urge to spit in his face." If, y'know,I felt like it. That's because the first amendment rocks my fucking ass off. And because I'm an American, goddammit, and that means I have the right to say whatever I want. God bless the USA!
I'm an American and I love my country. I love the freedoms I'm allowed as an American. I love that, as an American, I can make a phone call to anyone in the world, secure in the knowledge that who I'm calling isn't being kept track of in some nefarious database. That's because I was lucky enough to be born in a country that believes in and cherishes basic freedoms like the right to privacy.
I love that I can check books out of libraries and read whatever I want. I love that we aren't backwards ass rednecks who believe in insane things like banning or burning books. That's because we're progressive enough to know that books are just things and, as such, incapable of being "dangerous" or "evil." That's just crazy talk.
I love that even the most mundane basic rights - like the right to be married to whoever we want - are guaranteed for every citizen, regardless of race, sex, creed, sexual preference, or whatever else. That's because we all know it's silly to care who anyone else is married to.
I love that we can vote for whoever we want, confidant that our vote counts and that our individual and collective voices are heard by the people we let govern us. That's because Americans believe in democracy and that the will of the people shouldn't be filtered or interfered with by anything such as election fraud or archaic and retarded institutions.
I love that we have so much freedom to go around that we randomly give away our "freedom surplus" to other countries that don't have as much, like Iraq. That's because we care about the Iraqi people just as we care about all citizens of the world, and will fight to the death for their right to receive the freedom we're giving them, even though they don't understand what we're doing and get confused and think we're killing innocent civilians by the tens of thousands. They'll figure it out soon enough though.
I love that we're free to make major mistakes without fear of consequence. For instance, let's just say that I accidentally shot someone in the face while hunting defenseless, near-crippled animals. I'm confident that everyone would understand it was just a silly mistake and that there'd be no reason for a trial. That's because our system of justice is fair and unbiased and, as a member of the working poor, I'm guaranteed the same treatment that someone rich and powerful like, oh...a member of congress or even the vice president would get if he were to find himself in the same situation.
I love that I'm free to evacuate my home as soon as possible regardless of whether or not I have transportation or somewhere I can go. That's because we value individual freedom in this country. This isn't Russia, we don't force people out of their homes, nor do we tell them where they're going or how they're getting there, that's entirely up to them. When Katrina hit New Orleans last year, our government didn't start jumping in people's faces, telling them they, "had to leave," because if they didn't they would, "surely die." They were already going to lose their homes and everything they owned, were we supposed to rob them of their dignity too? Maybe we were supposed to pile them all into school busses, like children, and drive them somewhere safe without giving a rat's ass where they wanted to go? No. Fuck that. We left those people alone to make their own decisions like adults. They were free to go anywhere they wanted. Except Gretna.
I love that we have a free press in this country and that if I want to know what my government is doing I don't have to go to such improbable lengths as reading foreign newspapers. Nope, all I have to do is turn on the television or open any newspaper and I am instantly given access to the important stories of the day and hard, cold information without any unnecessary editorializing. That's because...uhm...goddammit.
I love that we have freedom of speech in this country. Because that guarantees that I can walk out onto a street corner anywhere in the nation and, without fear of reprisal, say something like, "Cheney's a stinker," or "Say, it appears as though Rumsfeld is easily as much of a religious zealot as Bin Laden is," or even, "George W. Bush is without question, the worst president this nation has ever known. That he has served five and a half years without the people of this country organizing and staging a revolution is a constant source of both amazement and shame. He is a dirtbag and a lying sack of shit and if there is any justice on this earth, a plague of spirochetes, the size of Texas, will fly up his urethra and breed. A greasy, black discharge will geyser out of his nipples and every day, for the rest of his existence, one in two people will fail to resist the urge to spit in his face." If, y'know,I felt like it. That's because the first amendment rocks my fucking ass off. And because I'm an American, goddammit, and that means I have the right to say whatever I want. God bless the USA!
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