Thrilling Tard Tales
This has become my mantra here at work. I got paid yesterday. Already blew it on a tank of gas and a Snicker Bar. I was hoping to have enough for gum. Oh well. I'm trying to remember the last time I was hoping to have enough for gum but that had to be over thirty years ago.
Honestly, I don't care about the money that much. Of much greater importance, is who dies first: My supervisor or me? I don't want to kill her and I really don't want to die. But the way things are going this weekend, one of us is going through the window.
Just a couple minutes ago she shouts out, "We gotta drop the phone, guy!" She calls me "guy" a lot.
She works in the main room of the office and I work in one of the smaller offices off to the side of the main room. We're not very far apart but there is a wall between us and I usually have earphones on since I'm transcribing some terribly important police business (pot bust, usually). So when she shouts something out, I have to stop what I'm doing and pull one of my earphones out and shout back, "I'm sorry?" Which is exactly what I just did.
And she repeats herself, "We gotta drop the phone!"
"Okay," I reply, "What does that mean?"
...
No fucking answer. But at least I've been brought up to speed with this crucial phone update. I swear to god, I'm going to start bringing a soda can filled with $2.15 in nickels to work with me and every time she shouts some random useless shit about the goddamn hitch in her fucking giddy-up I'm going to rattle that can right in her ear.
And, if that doesn't stop her, I'm going to throw one of us through the window.

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