Disneyland - What Happened To The Future?
My wife and I went to Disneyland about a month ago for what will most likely be the last time for the next couple years. We've had annual passes for the last three years, and we used to go all the time. Lately, we haven't been able to get down there as much, even though we're only forty minutes away. Our schedules kinda suck and we're busy as hell, blah blah blah...so we let our passes lapse.
I like Disneyland. It's not as cool as it was when I was a kid, but I'm not sure if that's because the place has actually gone downhill or if I'm just too old to get into fucking Toontown. Probably a little of each, as is usually the case.
Prior to getting the annual passes, I hadn't been to Disneyland since...I can't remember when. Needless to say it's changed a bit. The biggest drag about the park these days is Tomorrowland. Back in the 70's and 80's everyone in America knew what the future looked like. They might have argued over the details but, in general, there were three main things that were everywhere: Chrome, bright colors, and flying cars. And drinking fountains with lemonade, though that particular dream may have been dreamt by me, alone.
So the first time we went to Disneyland with our passes, I'm remembering all sorts of shit I'd forgotten and loving the fact that The Haunted Mansion is unchanged and basically just enjoying the hell out of the day. Then we went to Tomorrowland. What a miserable fucking disgrace. I was shocked. I was horrified. Apparently nowadays, the future has a two-tone brown on tan sort of look to it.
[Tangent]
Note to Disney: Space 1999 sucked ass. Martin Landau and Barbara Bain running around in earth tones was not the fucking future any of us wanted. There's a reason Paramount is still cranking out Star Trek shit and my younger friends don't even know what the hell I'm talking about when I make Space 1999 references.
[/Tangent]
And half the fucking rides weren't there anymore: No Submarine Ride, no People Mover (fuck you, it rocked - It took us into the World of Tron), no Mission To Mars, and, (Dear God!) no Inner Space. And Space Mountain was shut down for almost two years for "upgrades." And fucking Autopia - and goddammit, this is almost the worst part - had gotten rid of all the cars in favor of those motherfucking Chevron Cars designed by the Wallace & Gromit people.
In other words, the future looks like...right now. What did I see when I looked around?
But, if you ignore Tomorrowland, the rest of the park is still pretty cool. And I still have a great time when I go. It's Disneyland, after all, there's still a *little* magic there.
It's funny; I'd actually planned on writing about how much I hate people and their fucking strollers. Guess that'll have to wait for next time.
I like Disneyland. It's not as cool as it was when I was a kid, but I'm not sure if that's because the place has actually gone downhill or if I'm just too old to get into fucking Toontown. Probably a little of each, as is usually the case.
Prior to getting the annual passes, I hadn't been to Disneyland since...I can't remember when. Needless to say it's changed a bit. The biggest drag about the park these days is Tomorrowland. Back in the 70's and 80's everyone in America knew what the future looked like. They might have argued over the details but, in general, there were three main things that were everywhere: Chrome, bright colors, and flying cars. And drinking fountains with lemonade, though that particular dream may have been dreamt by me, alone.
So the first time we went to Disneyland with our passes, I'm remembering all sorts of shit I'd forgotten and loving the fact that The Haunted Mansion is unchanged and basically just enjoying the hell out of the day. Then we went to Tomorrowland. What a miserable fucking disgrace. I was shocked. I was horrified. Apparently nowadays, the future has a two-tone brown on tan sort of look to it.
[Tangent]
Note to Disney: Space 1999 sucked ass. Martin Landau and Barbara Bain running around in earth tones was not the fucking future any of us wanted. There's a reason Paramount is still cranking out Star Trek shit and my younger friends don't even know what the hell I'm talking about when I make Space 1999 references.
[/Tangent]
And half the fucking rides weren't there anymore: No Submarine Ride, no People Mover (fuck you, it rocked - It took us into the World of Tron), no Mission To Mars, and, (Dear God!) no Inner Space. And Space Mountain was shut down for almost two years for "upgrades." And fucking Autopia - and goddammit, this is almost the worst part - had gotten rid of all the cars in favor of those motherfucking Chevron Cars designed by the Wallace & Gromit people.
In other words, the future looks like...right now. What did I see when I looked around?
- The color scheme and layout looked like every dogshit planned community that's taking over the Southern California landscape.
- Product placement and crass commercialization, in the form of Autopia and Star Tours.
- Blight and decay, in the form of The Submarine Ride and The People Mover.
- And, a pointless and inefficient bureaucracy, in the form of Space Mountain (You'll never be able to convince me those upgrades were either good or necessary, and two fucking years?!).
But, if you ignore Tomorrowland, the rest of the park is still pretty cool. And I still have a great time when I go. It's Disneyland, after all, there's still a *little* magic there.
It's funny; I'd actually planned on writing about how much I hate people and their fucking strollers. Guess that'll have to wait for next time.
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