The Fat Bastard Report - Part 2
So in light of my need to lose a fuck-ton of weight, I started exercising about three weeks ago. Nothing too horrible just some walking. The first time out, I figured I'd be lucky to last about a half hour before passing out. I made about 20 minutes. Maybe. Ten minutes in and my left knee was hurting, the muscle (Vastus Medialis - yay google!) next to my right knee was hurting, and my lower right back was hurting.
I felt like such a fucking pussy.
The next morning, while picking up a bottle of detergent, I tweaked my lower back and this time it was pretty bad. Tonight is the first time in three weeks I've been able to get out of bed without pain. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Two days later, the pain is so fucking horrible, I decide to go to Sav-On and pick up a box of Doans (which actually works pretty goddamn well, it turns out) because I'd heard that it was the best there is for back pain. So I go into the store and after a couple minutes I find the Doans - on the bottom fucking shelf. I'll say that again, they put the back pain meds on the bottom fucking shelf. So I go through this production of flailing arms and trying to bend at the (bad) knees, and I wind up getting my box of Doans with only minimal pain. As I'm walking toward the registers at the front, a manager crosses my path and says, "Hi there, you finding everything okay today?" I shot back with, "Y'know...I don't know the first goddamn thing about running a drug store..." and you can imagine where it went from there. He promised to fix that.
So I've been walking once or twice a week ever since then, and the cool thing is I've been able to measure real improvement in my stamina every time. Hopefully that continues to improve. Starting this week, I think it's time to start with the push-ups and the sit-ups.
My wife and I were at this birthday party last weekend. The lady who threw it is the best and she's a killer cook but she's old school and makes everything with a ton of butter. I had two pieces of quiche (which, I guess means I'm not a real man) and for the next two days felt like all the blood in my body had been drained and replaced with melted butter. And the next time she makes some I'll have some more, but goddamn, if that shit doesn't inspire you to watch what you eat like a hawk for the rest of the week. Which I've been doing.
As for how much weight I've lost...not a whole lot as of yet.
And yet another fun little wrinkle...it was established today that I'm apparently retaining a lot of water and it appears as though I've got early stages of Edema. But I'll write more about that next week, I've gone on long enough for now.
I felt like such a fucking pussy.
The next morning, while picking up a bottle of detergent, I tweaked my lower back and this time it was pretty bad. Tonight is the first time in three weeks I've been able to get out of bed without pain. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Two days later, the pain is so fucking horrible, I decide to go to Sav-On and pick up a box of Doans (which actually works pretty goddamn well, it turns out) because I'd heard that it was the best there is for back pain. So I go into the store and after a couple minutes I find the Doans - on the bottom fucking shelf. I'll say that again, they put the back pain meds on the bottom fucking shelf. So I go through this production of flailing arms and trying to bend at the (bad) knees, and I wind up getting my box of Doans with only minimal pain. As I'm walking toward the registers at the front, a manager crosses my path and says, "Hi there, you finding everything okay today?" I shot back with, "Y'know...I don't know the first goddamn thing about running a drug store..." and you can imagine where it went from there. He promised to fix that.
So I've been walking once or twice a week ever since then, and the cool thing is I've been able to measure real improvement in my stamina every time. Hopefully that continues to improve. Starting this week, I think it's time to start with the push-ups and the sit-ups.
My wife and I were at this birthday party last weekend. The lady who threw it is the best and she's a killer cook but she's old school and makes everything with a ton of butter. I had two pieces of quiche (which, I guess means I'm not a real man) and for the next two days felt like all the blood in my body had been drained and replaced with melted butter. And the next time she makes some I'll have some more, but goddamn, if that shit doesn't inspire you to watch what you eat like a hawk for the rest of the week. Which I've been doing.
As for how much weight I've lost...not a whole lot as of yet.
And yet another fun little wrinkle...it was established today that I'm apparently retaining a lot of water and it appears as though I've got early stages of Edema. But I'll write more about that next week, I've gone on long enough for now.
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