Babysitter's Here…In My Head…Again

So there’s a song I hate: (Copy and paste if you want to hear it, I won’t link to it.)

The name of the song is “Babysitter’s Here” and it was written by Dar Williams and it’s so fucking precious it makes me want to punch myself in the cock.  Back in the 90’s I had to endure this song girlfriend after girlfriend.  Jesus Christ, one of them actually gave me the album as a present.  I literally can’t tell you how many girls I used to date loved this song, though that’s partially because the number is so big and partially due to early-onset senility.

Oh, but I can remember the lyrics, goddammit.  Long after I’ve forgotten the names of my loved ones, I’ll be in my death bed singing, “Her boyfriend is Tom, but we call him the King of Romance” and crying while I look around helplessly.  And for that, I’d like to extend a great big middle finger to every girl who ever told me they had a really cute song they wanted me to hear (though in the interest of fairness, I have to accept partial responsibility for being stupid enough to publicly admit to liking some folk music back then).

I woke up this morning and everything was normal.  By the time I was halfway to work I was humming the tune and I’m telling you right fucking now, if it doesn’t leave my head soon I’m gonna go to a Hometown Buffet and start pushing down old people.  I’m a desperate man, goddammit!

It’s a world of laughter, a world of tears, it’s a world of hope, it’s a…


Tim Hatch lives in a secret volcano headquarters somewhere in the South Pacific, where he controls the world economy and writes confessional poetry about his disappointing childhood.

His poetry has been published in MungBeing, East Jasmine Review, The Pacific Review, The Vehicle, Touch: The Journal Of Healing, Apeiron Review, and he is the recipient of the 2014 Felix Valdez Award.

He finds writing about himself in the third person to be an overtly seductive invitation to tell lies.

He once captured a French Eagle at Talavera.

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