Jumbo Shrimp

Yeah…pretty sick of the whole election and I can’t wait for it to just be over. I don’t care what either side has to say, I know who I’m voting for. Whoever wins the election though had better shut their goddamn mouth and get to the business of unfucking things. That said…

John McCain and his soul mate need to stop using the word maverick. I’m fucking sick of it. You cannot be a successful politician in Washington and be a maverick, it’s just impossible. Our system doesn’t work that way. Number 6 was a maverick, John McCain is a Republican.

While watching the Palin debate, one of my co-workers asked what a maverick was. I know what it means in the McCain context, but every time someone asks what a word means, I go to m-w.com and look it up in the hopes that I’m setting an example. That’s rather superior of me, isn’t it? I’m such an elitist. So I looked up maverick and found this:

Main Entry: 1mav-er-ick
Pronunciation: primarystressmav-rik, primarystressma-vschwa-
Function: noun
Etymology: Samuel A. Maverick died 1870 American pioneer who did not brand his calves
Date: 1867
1: an unbranded range animal; especially : a motherless calf
2: an independent individual who does not go along with a group or party

Which just made me insanely happy. For the rest of my life I will think of McCain and Palin as motherless calves, wandering the range with their unblemished skin, ever watchful for surprise “gotcha” attacks from out of nowhere.


Tim Hatch lives in a secret volcano headquarters somewhere in the South Pacific, where he controls the world economy and writes confessional poetry about his disappointing childhood.

His poetry has been published in MungBeing, East Jasmine Review, The Pacific Review, The Vehicle, Touch: The Journal Of Healing, Apeiron Review, and he is the recipient of the 2014 Felix Valdez Award.

He finds writing about himself in the third person to be an overtly seductive invitation to tell lies.

He once captured a French Eagle at Talavera.

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