I usually only look at spam long enough to determine that it is, in fact, spam and then I delete it.  Today, I happened to read, “Damn it! Your penis is so small!” while deleting shit out of my spam folder and then I read the whole message and I laughed.  And, as I always do, I’m now sharing the entertainment:

Subject:     Become a s”e_xual champion with our offer
Date:     Sat, 20 Oct 2007 <–This was sent from the future!
From:     Estella B. Marin {removed}
To:     Esperanza E. Caudill {} <–Esperanza?

India won the toss and chose to bat first.a minute-repeater function, the complicated that have been made as a result of this project is beingwe focused on changing cultures, nurturing talent and

*Have they ever told you this, “Damn it! Your penis is so small!”?
*Didn’t you feel sad?
*Don”t let girls choose sexual toys but not you! Megadik will bring you to your sexual dreams! You must believe in this magic preparation!
*”Oh! Your penis is unique!” Isn’t that what you dream to hear every day?
*Soon you’ll be the only one ladies will desire! Megadik is your magic weapon!
*obtain http://{link deleted – fuck spammers}/

1958 – Vanguard 1, the first solar-powered satellite,

What could possibly be unique about a penis?  Maybe it has tiny little hooks all over it?


Tim Hatch lives in a secret volcano headquarters somewhere in the South Pacific, where he controls the world economy and writes confessional poetry about his disappointing childhood.

His poetry has been published in MungBeing, East Jasmine Review, The Pacific Review, The Vehicle, Touch: The Journal Of Healing, Apeiron Review, and he is the recipient of the 2014 Felix Valdez Award.

He finds writing about himself in the third person to be an overtly seductive invitation to tell lies.

He once captured a French Eagle at Talavera.

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