The New Flash Gordon = Suck

This is not Ming, this is a cross between Lumbergh from Office Space and an extra from Janet Jackson’s Rythm Nation video.

Saw the new Flash Gordon on the Sci-Fi Channel the other night. Embarrassing. They reinvented it as a Gen-X Dramedy…

Here’s a tip for anyone who wants to take yet another stab at a story that was perfected the first time around: No matter what era you set Flash Gordon in, no matter what era you make Flash Gordon in, no matter which target audience you’re going for, Ming The Merciless is called Ming The Merciless and he is always, always, always bald and wearing a Fu Manchu beard. This is impossible to fuck up. So if you do fuck it up, you’ve ruined something that didn’t need remaking in the first place. Congratulations.

Ming Ming
Ming (Possibly God) Ming

All of these are Ming. Even the total douche with the fucking eye tattoo is Ming. The beuraucrat to the far left? He’s not Ming. Ming is a tyrant. He rules Mongo without mercy because he is Ming The Fucking Merciless and he does not put product in his hair.


Tim Hatch lives in a secret volcano headquarters somewhere in the South Pacific, where he controls the world economy and writes confessional poetry about his disappointing childhood.

His poetry has been published in MungBeing, East Jasmine Review, The Pacific Review, The Vehicle, Touch: The Journal Of Healing, Apeiron Review, and he is the recipient of the 2014 Felix Valdez Award.

He finds writing about himself in the third person to be an overtly seductive invitation to tell lies.

He once captured a French Eagle at Talavera.

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