Fuck Microsoft. In The Ass. With A Tank.

You know what I wish? I wish all the scum of the Earth fucktards at Microsoft had one throat and I had my hands about it.

Quoting Rorschach nine months before The Watchmen is due to premiere makes me cooler than the next blogger.  And it might make me feel cooler too if it weren’t for the fact that I first read the comics 22 fucking years ago. The Watchmen is going to suck the shit out of the Devil’s ass.  Which will make it a far more enjoyable and satisfying experience than working with any Microsoft software.  Microsoft…they’d be so much better if their name weren’t synonymous with shit.

About a year ago my boss made the decision to purchase a Microsoft program called Microsoft Dynamics: Retail Management System Store Operations Management or something similar.  They’re really good at coming up with names for their product.  So we buy this software and it turns out to be dogshit.  Sorry, no, it turns out to be DOGSHIT.  From the people who brought you Windows Vista, so pretty much fucking no one is surprised.  I don’t know what we paid for this shit because it was a year ago and I’ve forgotten way more important things since then.  But I do know that it was well over a thousand dollars per license.  One license per machine, three machines, so we spent a bare minimum of three grand.  And they justify the price by saying it comes with a one year free support contract.  That turns out to be bullshit, by the way.  What they mean is you can call or email them twice and then after that you have to pay $75 an hour for their support.  And their tier one support is as shitty as everyone else’s.  Fucking assholes.

So it’s a Microsoft product which means it uses MSSQL (instead of MySQL, which is what people who aren’t fuckheads use), which would be fine except that because it’s MSSQL based, there’s a decent chance that something will break every fucking time there’s a Windows update.  This is exactly what happened with the release of Windows XP Service Pack 3.  Now, I have my head out of my ass and have Windows automatic updates turned off on the server.  Of course that doesn’t mean shit because Microsoft downloads and installs updates with or without your permission because they know better, and fuck you anyway, you’re just the owner of the hardware, your opinion doesn’t count.  So magically, even though no one installed SP3, no one can fucking insert new product into the database anymore and when I call our Certified Microsoft Partners soul-less, dead-behind-the-eyes dipshits to ask what the FUCK is causing this and how do we fix it, I get told that the only way to fix the problem is to install the newest RMS service pack, which you can only download if you have a current service agreement with Microsoft which only runs $200 or so per license.  That was the point at which I told the dude to swallow my children.

Never ever ever do business with Microsoft.  If you do, you’re a fucking idiot and you deserve what you get.  So yeah.  Fuck those fucking fucks.  In the ass.  With a tank.  And then throw them into the middle end of a bukake scene.  And then give them a starring role in a motherfucking snuff flick, and let’s just be done with them once and for fucking all.

That felt good.

About

Tim Hatch lives in a secret volcano headquarters somewhere in the South Pacific, where he controls the world economy and writes confessional poetry about his disappointing childhood.

His poetry has been published in MungBeing, East Jasmine Review, The Pacific Review, The Vehicle, Touch: The Journal Of Healing, Apeiron Review, and he is the recipient of the 2014 Felix Valdez Award.

He finds writing about himself in the third person to be an overtly seductive invitation to tell lies.

He once captured a French Eagle at Talavera.

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